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Last summer when I got married I wore a white lace dress, donned a flower crown, and held a bouquet. I was the picture of a traditional bride — but for my half-sleeve tattoo, and my provocative history.

What it's really like to date when you've done sex work

Before my husband and I met, I worked on and off as a stripper through college, and then as a call girl on Craigslist for a brief stint when I was in grad school. InI quit sex work for good to become an elementary school teacher. Then, inI lost my teaching career after the New York Post put me on blast for writing and sharing stories about my sex work past.

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Aside from losing my career in dramatic fashion, dating was one of the toughest parts of being someone with sex work experience. And some men think the answer ought to be no. Whether our experiences in the industry are positive, negative, or — as they very frequently are — neutral, many people paint all sex workers with the same broad brush. Regardless of occupation, not everybody wants a committed, monogamous relationship.

But I always did.

Seeking arrangement: is it a form of prostitution?

When it came to a relationship, I was looking for the opposite of what my parents had: commitment, stability, and love. After our first date, he kissed me politely on my doorstep and I had the strange sensation of being filmed, as if I were an actress and we were both following the script of a very pleasant movie.

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Then, a year later, I started working as a stripper to pay for college. With this somewhat impulsive decision, my dream of normalcy felt forever compromised. To protect myself from stigma, I kept my job a secret from nearly everyone, including Dave. I eventually told him, years later, and after begging for his mercy, he forgave me for lying.

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More years went by and we got engaged; still, the situation lay silently between us. I knew that, deep down, he was still angry, we were both confused, and I was ashamed. Eventually, I called the engagement off. For the next five or so years, I avoided intimacy. I met men professionally, and that was more or less it. Similarly, besides getting paid, I got many of the benefits of a boyfriend— compliments, sex, someone to talk to — minus the emotional risk.

Relationships can be risky for anyone, but this is especially true for current and former sex workers.

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According to a report by the Sex Workers Education and Advocacy Taskforce, the criminalized and stigmatized nature of the industry makes sex workers particularly vulnerable to intimate partner violence. Even worse, the report found some sex workers internalized the stigma of their profession and viewed themselves as deserving of punishment and abuse from their partners.

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I was one of these women. Almost ten years ago, when I first stopped drinking and was just getting out of the sex industry, I fell into a relationship with a man who made me feel ashamed of my then-recent past.

A ‘sugar date’ gone sour

My past became a weapon he used against me; when we argued, he insinuated no one else would want to date me because of it. Like many women in abusive situations, I believed him.

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It took six years, but I eventually found the courage to leave. When I started dating online, I knew I wanted to discuss my sex work past — and everything else — with anyone I got serious with.

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I knew the scandal, compounded by the fact that I wrote openly about my personal life, would be too much for some men. In most cases, I saved the big reveal for the fourth date. Almost invariably, they concluded I must have deep-seated psychological issues that meant our relationship would never become serious. Instead of inviting him up at the end of the date, as I could tell he was expecting, I sent him on his way.

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I have boundaries — just like anyone else. Another recommendation to those who are romantically interested in someone working in the sex industry, or in the process of leaving it: Do not pressure them to quit.

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Not everybody wants to quit, and even if they do, transitioning out of sex work can be difficult. If you are dating a sex worker, ask whether and how you should talk about their occupation with others. Ask what their preferences are — then respect them. After so many bad dates, I grew somewhat intolerant of men with opinions about my former occupation. And if he did?

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Too bad. Suck it upI thought, and keep it to yourself.

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Still, he stayed quiet on the subject of sex work until I brought it up. We had great conversations and similar interests.

Daddies, “dates,” and the girlfriend experience: welcome to the new prostitution economy

We worked in similar fields. Our sexual chemistry was intense. When I finally worked up the courage to broach the topic of my former occupation, he put me at ease. He told me something equally personal about him, to even the playing field, and the conversation moved on.

My past, he understood, was just part of the package of dating me. On the issue of sex work, he was more or less neutral. From my relationship with Arran, I also learned that expecting a guy to not have any feelings about my past was unrealistic. A guy could have feelings — of course he could — and we could even work through some of them together.

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But ultimately, it was his responsibility to deal with those feelings and not take them out on me. But Arran and I have worked through our fears and insecurities together. In the beginning, we talked ad nauseum about how our past sexual experiences affected our present-day preferences and where some of my triggers came from, as well as issues related to disclosure.

The fact that I write about it all adds whole new layer of complication.

Why do men buy sex?

But ultimately, we are both open to talking through these differences — no matter how difficult those conversations might be. It makes him a decent human being with an awesome wife — who just happens to have worked in the sex industry.

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