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Sarah Ahiers offers six questions to ask yourself that might prove useful when you're building your fantasy world I love world-building in fantasy novels. I sit at my desk and stare out the window and think about all the lovely bits that make up my world without doing any writing at all.


First of all, in spite of your fear of being judged, you have taken the very courageous step of writing in with your question. Second, it sounds like the daydreaming and fantasizing have served as a very adaptive behavior—you have been able to get some relief from the depression and low self-esteem by escaping into your imagination.

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Unfortunately, it seems like this coping strategy has taken on a life its own and become somewhat of an impediment to your ability to function in your daily life. That said, one critical difference between what you are describing and substance abuse is that there is quite likely some real value in what you are using to escape.

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Most successful people begin their journey toward success by imagining it—they dream about their success and then they begin creating goals and working toward them that will move them toward their dream. I suspect that the life you have created in your imagination is closer to the life you desire than your actual, current life is.

If my suspicion is accurate, then it makes sense to do what you can to start moving toward the life you have imagined for yourself. Given your struggles with depression and self-esteem, you might be thinking: easier said than done! This is certainly true, but it does not mean that it is impossible to live a life closer to the one you imagine; it simply means that you need to get treatment to address the depression and self-esteem.

Right now, these issues might be all that is keeping you from working on making your fantasy life a reality. This brings me to your fear of disclosing your fantasy world to a therapist. First, there is no shame in the fantasy life that you have created; in fact, I believe it will ultimately serve as a road map to move you to the life you have been dreaming about.

In fact, I would say if disclosing it is so anxiety provoking that it is preventing you from seeking treatment, do not disclose it until you are confident that you have a trusting, therapeutic relationship with a therapist. Sometimes when people disclose too much before a really strong working alliance is established, they feel exposed and vulnerable to an intolerable degree and they leave therapy prematurely.

You can avoid this by finding a therapist who you believe could be a good fit for you and setting up an initial session. You might even set up an initial session with a couple of different therapists and see who you feel most comfortable with. Once you believe you have a good match, work on building a strong therapeutic relationship and when you feel ready, open up about your fantasy life.

As the depression and self-esteem issues begin to be addressed and you open up about your fantasies, you just might find that these very fantasies will become your road map and your therapist will serve as a supportive guide as you follow the map to your dreams.

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Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. All of us are given to living with some sort of fantasy in our lives. I think that when you cross the line into what is healthy versus what is harmful is when this fantasy begins disturbing and disrupting other parts of your life. I think that there are a lot of people living in a perpetual fantasy land but that is doing nothing to improve who they are and help them to really grow.

All this does is perpetuate the need for that fantasy so that it takes over their lives even more completely. But if you are able to visualize that there could be something better, then there could be. You have to find a way to turn that fantasy into reality. I would like to know why living a fantasy is always or usually seen as being something bad. This is something that gives you a chance to escape a little from the day to drudgery that can be life. Why is that such a bad thing? This is something that feels pretty healthy to me. I am not iving a lie, just need a little down time to get away from it all and this provides me with that kind of outlet.

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So in some ways I definitely think that there could be worse ways to handle times like this. I guess if it is getting in the way of other areas of your life then this might be a time to address those concerns. I also believe its a good thing to ease of the stresses of real life if it helps, but I think the problem comes when you prefer to live in your fantasy world than reality. You are definitely not alone.

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I find it easy to get lost in my daydreams and prefer it to real life on many occasions. A friend of mine told me to talk about the things that scare me or make me sad out loud. I find when I do that, the things that I am afraid of do not seem so dark. I hope you find peace, happiness and the the life you want. It takes a good company of people with the same mindset and this is difficult, but taking on the role of a persona in the confines of a game with other people is easier to manage and can have a self analyzing effect.

At least this happened to me. Of course you have to be careful not to be sucked in the game very easy to happenbut I still think that the trade off is worth it as the game can help isolate the fantasy and your friends and co players can support you. I am depressed and anxious. I often go to bed and try to imagine a different situation. It almost always involves myself committing violence against a lot of people whom I see as enemies or threats.

The fantasy is completely impossible, as I am very old, I have a terminal illness and do not have enough education of the right kind to carry it out. Also I am closely watched. The fact that my fantasies are impossible just makes things worse. Maybe the accumulation of stupid and pain-causing decisions on my part over the years is just too much. I cannot set things right. I constantly replay events in the past that may have hurt people terribly. The memories just attack me.

I find real life intolerable compared with my daydreams, but I have always done what the expert here says of looking into those daydreams and thinking: How can I make that reality? In the meantime, I have recently decided that I need to find a way to enjoy the present too.

If you are just waiting to be happy when your dreams come true, you will actually make it harder to achieve those dreams so much at stake!! Best to always try to enjoy the moment. She says. Sandplay therapy may be an excellent therapy to consider in this scenario, as it is a mostly non-verbal therapy.

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Especially for those who find it difficult to talk. I have always lived in a fantasy world. That s what kepr me going. I couls not imagine how horrible life qould have been wirhout it. I feel lucky to have this escape, but embarrassed too. My them changed atdifferent ages. The most persistent theme was me becomming famous as a singer or actress.

And having everyone in awe. I wish I knew why I do this, because it disturbs me although it s like my best friend when I need that rush of excitement. Thanks for sharing. I have been escaping into fantasy from young childhood. I almost always use it to get to sleep.

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Now, in middle age, I find myself utilizing this escapism mechanism more during the day. Sometimes as I operate through the day I engage in fantasy and am inattentive to others. I have for a few years now been escaping through reading and things like that.

What has happened to me a few times is that I have become obsessed with a story I read or a film I watched.

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I cannot stop repeating scenes and sentences in my head from a film or a book. Please help me understand. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from a. Pacific Time; our phone is ext.

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All my life I felt I had talent as an artist. I was always told by everyone that I had talent and I thought that this talent would be my key to success in the future, since I was good at nothing else. Drawing and painting relaxed me, and kept me busy.

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I was always able to look at something and paint it really well, but not out of my head. Art which was something fun and I loved doing, suddenly became a contest.

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Now Instagram, is in no way the reason I am depressed. But it did help bringing my self esteem lower than it already was. Other things that bring me down are the fact that my parents are getting older, and it scares the crap out of me.

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I remember telling my Mother when I was five, inthat if she ever died, I would kill myself. And of course, she freaked out and told me not to say things like that.

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